Advice, Encouragement, and/or Manipulation?
Recently I have been contemplating the concept between encouragement and manipulation when giving advice. I have been advising students in their degree planning to prepare for graduation and have sometimes been frustrated with those who do not pass classes or take the ones recommended for their quick path to graduation. Of course this happens in many different areas of life when we give advice to attempt to help someone and they end up failing by not doing what we recommended. At the end of the day, I have to remember that I am not in control of the other person – he or she must
decide for themselves what is important and what to do.
In meditating on the concepts, I have pondered the difference between encouragement, which is designed to build up one another and help; versus manipulation, which is meant to control others to do what I want and what benefits me. At the end of the day, I am only responsible for my own actions and how I will respond to others. In seeking out scripture for the subject, you may find many passages discussing encouragement, but none using the word “manipulation.” However, the concept of manipulation can be found in Romans 16:18, “For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.” It is the idea of attempting to talk people into doing something that will benefit the person doing the manipulations – an attempt at controlling someone. It is the opposite idea of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 where a person offers unconditional love no matter what happens (1 Cor 13:4-7)!
So, if I want to be an encourager who loves other despite their actions, I must avoid manipulation. In order to do so, I have determined that I must pray for the person and consider what is in their best interest. At the end of the day, I can only give advice and my recommendation – it is up to the person to decide what he or she will do. I can determine my response for the various options of how the person acts, but I am only in control of my own actions and let’s face it – there are times I struggle to control my own actions!~ Why am I then attempting to control someone else’s actions? At some point we must release people to be responsible for their actions and be there for them when they fail. We can encourage them in the process of getting back up and trying again – after all, we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23)!”